Heart Divided

I think all I’ll ever be
is what I am right now –
a heart divided.
Not much to offer an honorable man.

Bits and pieces – chunks – slices –
have left large holes in an otherwise
intact heart.
Doors have closed. Walls reinforced.
Life’s experiences have long since taken their toll.
I’ve pulled back into an inner shell –
not even conscious anymore
of this more than normal routine.

I’d like to let you in
but I’m so afraid.
Not so sure this old heart could stand
yet another hurt.
I’ve become somewhat bitter and hard;
(or so I betray to the world)
callous to the rules of the game you play.
I’ll do it my way now.
I’ll love you (and I do)
but from a distance.
You won’t be allowed to penetrate the shell.
Call it my protection, self-preservation,
call it survival, or what you will,
call it ME!
I’ve set aside a portion – a chunk –
to call your own –
to do with as you wish.
It’s yours for the taking.
But what’s left of the rest will remain untouched –
virginal still –
to be called upon at another time,
another somebody, someday – maybe.

Hold me close but not too tight.
I need breathing space and so do you.
Let’s take it one day at a time
and savor each moment for the treasure it is.
“Forever” is an illusive dream –
out of one’s grasp.
“Now” is a more tangible time.
Please love me for the here and now
and we’ll let ‘forever’ take care of itself.

I think all I’ll ever be
is what I am right now –
a heart divided.